Stress and Mindlessness

It's tough to rate your stress level on any given day. People ask me how I'm doing, and I don't know what to say. Is today worse or better than yesterday? In the moment, how can anyone tell? Well, I've got two new "objective" rating systems that I wanted to share. The first deals with booze, the second toilets.

1. DTGE (Drinks To Get Even) describes how many drinks you require, say after work, to return to a normal human. 1 means it was a low stress day. 4 means you should be looking for a new job (or, like me, are). Jeremy and I have used this efficient communication method for a while. I thought I'd share it with the rest of you to streamline our conversations.

2. OFS (Open Fly Syndrome) occurs when you are so consumed with big life questions, even at the toilet, that you finish up your business and forget to zip. Normal people score way less than 1.0 occurrances per day. My OFS score is currently at 3.2. It has become a regular (inside) joke that I now wear sweaters to work b/c, untucked, they hang below the zipper, obscuring the horse that's waiting to get out of the barn.